My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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