Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize