I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
