How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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