YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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