If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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