its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
