MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
