i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
