im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
worst night to have a conscience
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
