I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
