Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
