literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's shark week go big or go home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
