She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize