it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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