Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
