i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Buhtt sex?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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