Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
