i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize