do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
