So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
