You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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