Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
