I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
