I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
