I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize