Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
