Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
