Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
