butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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