What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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