i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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