maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Randomize
