Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
