im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
