I love black thongs
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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