Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
