Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
