I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
