Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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