i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize