thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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