all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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