Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
