Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He did a backflip because drugs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
