When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
