One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We just shotgunned beers for America
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
