We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
