never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
