The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
