Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize