and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
