we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
