You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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