omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
