By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
