i think my mom watched the whole time
People in love make me want to vomit
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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