I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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