She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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