clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
