Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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