Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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