You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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