Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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