you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
