i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she woke up with a sticky ear
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
