her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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