i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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